Sticky Acres

Crotch Banging. And Not In A Good Way.

Jessi and Karen are tired of sharing their fruit salad with 10,000 buzzy pals every morning. Since they are nice, young ladies, they advertised in the neighborhood newsletter that they had a bee colony that needed to be relocated from the retaining wall supporting their terrace rather than calling an exterminator.

I went over to their home today to check out the situation. Luckily, the ladies are super-cool, because I can already tell that this trap out is going to suck.

So, lets see…the bees are in the wall fifteen feet below the terrace. Its just over a fence, over another fence, through the sticker-y shrub, and around the corner. The hive entrance is four feet off the ground and twelve inches from the neighbor’s chain link fence and angry pit bulls.

Two words: Crotch Banger. Of course the fence is 36 inches high and I have a 30 inch inseam. Ow. The ground is wet clay and has a consistency of sticky poo. And even though I hacked away at the bushes, there’s so many things to impale myself on here. What you can’t see from this photo are the three angry dogs lunging at me from the neighbor’s side of the chain link fence. There’s also only a foot square patch of flat ground in front of the nuc box to stand in. If I piss off the bees, it’s not going to be a fast or pleasant escape. This location is just all kinds of awesome.

And can I get another chain link fence to deal with? Because the three that are really getting in my way just aren’t annoying enough.

Talk about a crap nuc box placement. The nuc box is precariously balanced on a stack of plastic nursery pots that are wedged between the cinderblock wall and the chain link fence and held in place with the wooden stake. Yeah, just what you want in a bee trap–precarious balancing–good times.

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