I Got Married Today. On Leap Day. On The Radio. It’s A Long Story.
Mr. Foxypants and I got married at 12:01 am today so we could have a Leap Day wedding anniversary that we only have to celebrate every four years.
The super romantic backstory on this is that Mr. Foxypants’s old company imploded and he had to find a new job. Which was unfortunate for many reasons, one of them being that I had full health coverage as Mr. Foxypants’s “Domestic Partner.” (Thank you gay people of California, who made my insurance possible).
Luckily, Mr. Foxypants was immediately hired by a new company. His first official day of work was last Tuesday, when he reported to the new company’s HR Office to fill out all his employment paperwork.
And that’s when he discovered that his new company doesn’t give health insurance to heterosexual Domestic Partners.
So, when I called him from my car, while stuck in rush hour traffic, to find out how his first day at work was going, he informed me that he had some bad news and some okay news. Here’s a transcript of our conversation:
The bad news is that you can’t be covered under my health
insurance as a Domestic Partner.
MISS ROMAN APARTMENT
What? That super sucks. So what’s the okay news?”
(I totally assumed that his new company had some sort of wackadoodie consulting job that was going to be offered to me which would include health insurance).
Maybe it’s time to get married?
MISS ROMAN APARTMENT
Wait a minute! Are you proposing to me, over the phone,
at 5:15 in the afternoon, while I’m sitting in traffic?
I’m not proposing! We’re just discussing.
Since we’re so poor right now, I’ll get you a cheap
ring and then we can get you a nice ring later.
MISS ROMAN APARTMENT
Stop talking. I can’t take the romance.
Mr. Foxypants’ only flaw is his indecisiveness. He takes forever to make choices. Any choice. Like he can spend 20 minutes reading a menu. Or deciding whether to buy two pairs of on-sale socks or three pairs.
I spent the week worrying that I’d have to contract a terminal illness before he’d finally get around to proposing.
Then, while we were driving around running errands on Sunday, I brought up the subject of setting a wedding date.
When do you want to get married?
MISS ROMAN APARTMENT
How about February 29th? That way we’d only have to
celebrate our anniversary every four years.
MISS ROMAN APARTMENT
Um, the 26th of February.
When we got home I started researching how to get a marriage license. Like, if we got a quickie marriage in Las Vegas on the 29th of February, would we have to do anything to make that legal in the state of California? And that’s when I discovered that it is now possible to get a marriage license on the same day as your wedding in Los Angeles, just like you can in Nevada!
I started to fill out the online marriage license application. I was halfway through the form when Mr. Foxypants stopped me.
I can’t let you finish filling out that form until
I propose to you properly.
And that’s when he proposed and I started crying. Which freaked out the cats so much that Pannonica ran outside to get me a present so I would feel better. She is so thoughtful.
At first we considered getting married during lunch on the 29th, since Mr. Foxypants had a previously scheduled meeting with the Japanese financiers of his company that day which could not be missed for any reason. Then Mr. Foxypants realized that we could get married on his radio show, which airs every Tuesday night from 10 pm to Midnight. We’d DJ our own miniature wedding reception (we’re planning on having a bigger reception for everyone a few months from now after we sock away some cash and lose some weight) for two hours, and then at 12:01 am on February 29th we’d say our vows and get married on air. I really loved this idea, because the first time I met Mr. Foxypants, was at the radio station when I volunteered to help answer phones during Fundrazor.
Then we called our parents to update them on our wedding plans. My parents got married three months after they met. They have been married 44 years. Mr. Foxypants’s parents, on a moment’s notice, got married during their lunch hour to protect his dad from being deployed on a dangerous job for the State Department. They have been married for 52 years. So, out of all the parental sets in the world, we expected that our parents would be totally excited by our 11th hour wedding plans, especially considering that we’ve both endured five years of nagging by our respective mothers to finally tie the knot.
When it came to our parents, we were equal opportunity disappointers. Both sets of parents demanded that we take specific religious vows as part of our wedding. Which would be great, if we all shared the same religion. Also, all of them became incredibly paranoid that our quickie wedding, which was done only for the sake of Blue Cross/Blue Shield, was going to be the only celebration of our marriage, and that they’d somehow not be invited to our actual
gruesome spectacle wedding reception that we’ll host at some point later this year.
I was engaged for slightly less than 52 hours. Honestly, I don’t think I could have endured one more day of unsolicited advice about my wedding. Seriously. I now know why brides lose their minds while planning their weddings. It’s because people get ridiculously proprietary and demanding about how other people get married. And mind you, I only had to listen to people who love me, and not the idle chatter of random people who hate gay marriage or have bought into the “Industrial Wedding Complex” that seems to have overtaken all my favorite crafting websites. Let me just say that any comment that begins with “Don’t you want” or “That’s not romantic” inevitably is bad news, because what comes after is going to be a projection of what the commenter thinks your wedding should be like and not what you think your wedding should be like.
Here’s a short list of complaints lodged about our wedding plans:
•Are you sure you want to make your new haircut your “Something New” instead of buying something pretty?
•”Something Borrowed” is only for the bride, not for the groom’s borrowed ring.
•You have to wear your “Something Blue” on your person. Kind of Blue
by Miles Davis doesn’t count.
Oh. My. God. Thankfully, my “Something Old” choice to wear my Chinese great-grandmother’s Edwardian wedding gown passed matrimonial muster.
The funniest demand was from one of my best friends who was appalled that we were planning on driving ourselves to and from our own reception and insisted that she drive us instead. “I should drive you so you guys can be romantic in the backseat.” She finally admitted defeat when I explained that nothing would be less romantic than sitting between her children’s car seats in the back of her mini van.
I met up with Mr. Foxypants on Monday during lunch at the Los Angeles County Courthouse in Van Nuys. Court Clerk Victor was a total champ at explaining all the different paperwork to us. Who knew a Confidential Marriage License issued in Los Angeles County not only offers better protection against identity theft, but is actually cheaper than a Public Marriage License. We paid $85 and walked out of the building with our wedding license in less than an hour. On Friday, we’ll return to the courthouse to file our paperwork.
I spent all day yesterday pulling music for the “Very Special Molotov Cocktail Hour Wedding Special” and running wedding related errands which included getting a haircut and my eyebrows done so I could look good for everyone who would be listening on the radio. (I know).
The nice thing about planning a wedding on the fly is that you can’t get too precious about the details. I could not think of one clever thing to write on the top of my $26.95, pre-made, strawberry whipped cream cake from The Phoenix Bakery in Chinatown, so I let the 16 year old shop clerk decide for me. He drew two droopy hearts in red icing which I thought was oddly perfect.
Because Mr. Foxypants has to go to work every day this week, we didn’t have time to get our actual wedding rings in advance of the ceremony, so I used my grandmother’s wedding ring, that she gave me as my college graduation gift, for my ring, and Mr. Foxypants borrowed a vintage Star Trek ring from Senor Amor, his best friend and radio co-host.
Sadly, most people can’t fit into the heirloom clothing of their tiny relatives. Luckily, my great-grandmother was 5’11. Her very Edward Gorey-esque silk outfit from her 1910 wedding, fits me perfectly. The dragons with flowers design was hand-embroidered in Sterling silver. It looks like what the Last Empress of China would wear to visit Downton Abbey.
I wore the gown, which is actually a jacket and skirt, over black leggings and a black and white striped cashmere sweater from J. Crew. I accessorized with black Armani evening slippers I’ve owned for ten years, a vintage glass necklace that I bought at a garage sale for five dollars, and a silver art-deco barrette that my aunt gave me for my 14th birthday. “Oh, I’m so glad you decided to wear traditional black and white stripes for your wedding,” said my friend the costumer when he arrived. (Stripes, they make everything cuter).
Mr. Foxypants wore the black, pin-striped suit and tie that he wore on our first date with a white shirt and black vest. Both of us managed to wear only clothes that were already in our closets. Granted, we both have wacky wardrobes, but still, that is a rare thing to find in a modern wedding!
My sister and eleven of our friends met us at the radio station at 10 pm. Mr. Foxypants’ older brother, Roquefort, is a professional party planner. He gave us an edible wedding gift of caviar and creme fraiche served in his unedible wedding gift of two matching Waterford crystal bowls. My friend Jane supplied an orchid for the wedding snack buffet.
Our friend Julien, who arrived wearing his girlfriend’s clothes, was our officiant. Our friends Soiree Musicale DJ Yolanda and Psychotechnics DJ Damion not only donated air time from their shows, but they, along with Senor Amor, all took turns as backup DJ’s so we could take the time to eat cake and talk with everyone. Senor Amor and his wife Jonona were our witnesses because they helped set us up on our first date. And we’re so glad our friend Ted crashed the party with his daughter Mitzi and our friend Jeff!
Our friend P.K. in New York sent us an amazing Nina Simone cover of Leonard Cohen’s song “Suzanne” that she recorded live in Rome(!) to play during our reception.
We broadcast our playlist of wedding songs over the radio for the benefit of our friends, family and regular listeners of The Molotov Cocktail Hour until midnight.
At 12:01 Wednesday morning Senor Amor played his special surprise recessional music he’d selected for us. I don’t care what anyone says, “Here Comes The Bride” has nothing, NOTHING on Sammy Davis Jr.