Noted

Comp and Circumstance: DC Versus Rome

Filed under Noted

The BFF is moving to Maryland next month.

(I know. It’s so great for her for every reason, but I still shed selfish, selfish tears for two minutes when she told me).

At any rate, she’s been combing Maryland real estate sites for her new house and came upon an article in Urban Turf that compares how far a million dollars goes in my favorite city versus Washington D.C..

Seriously, could they have chosen an uglier apartment in Rome?

Oh. My. God. What jackass thought putting a bathtub in the living room was a good idea? No, the tub is not an artifact left over from when this unit was Michelle Pfeiffer’s New York tenement apartment kitchen set in MARRIED TO THE MOB. According to the listing, “A view of the St. Peter’s Basilica dome inspired a bathtub positioned under the window so the owner can relax and take in the scenery.”

uuuuh…..

There are so many problems with this, starting with the fact that in addition to blocking access to the window with the best view in the entire apartment every hour of the day other than bath time, all the neighbors will get to see the owner getting into and out of the tub. Clearly, this is not an apartment for prudes since windows generally offer two way views. How clean is that bathtub going to have to be every time there’s a party? Say goodbye to that nice hardwood flooring.

Don’t get me started on the staging of these photographs. What 14 year-old boy made the bed? No one could iron the creases out of the new bedspread or learn how to fold a decent hospital corner? If you’re trying to sell me on the virtues of sleeping on a mattress on the floor, then the bed cannot remind me of the worst aspects of collegiate life as a starving student. And who left the yard waste above the bed?

Since Urban Turf is a pro-D.C. real estate site, natural the D.C. million dollar comp is totally cute:

While the D.C. townhouse is definitely a better real estate buy than the roman apartment, the D.C. townhouse is…

…in Washington D.C.

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